In the wake of all my criticism this week of TFC fans, I felt it was my responsibility to include some suggestions to push their behavior in the right direction. My suggestions boil down to this. Stop aping England, and start behaving like the only true soccer fans in North America, Mexico.
Mexican fans are passionate, intelligent, savvy, and not nearly as prone to violence as neanderthals like all the Toronto fans. Not only that, but they enjoy far better beers than the cask ale full of twigs and dirt that poseur TFC fans surely swill before going into plastic-pitched stadium.
That beer point reminds me of one other Mexican element that could put TFC supporters in a better mood – Mexican food. British and Canadian food, in a word, sucks. Put down the meat pie or Tim Hortons and grab something good, like some chicken mole. The complex flavors of homemade mole surely can calm the faux-hoolie impluse of even the most idiotic TFC supporter.
I know Toronto fans will have trouble adjusting to their new cultural overlords. Decades of membership in the British Commonwealth have certainly left their mark on Canada in many ways such as excessive politeness, xenophobia, and vast amounts of sexual repression. For now, I leave with this image. Keep it in mind Toronto fans the next time you tie that scarf around your wrist, engage your fake British accent and start trying to make trouble in another peaceful MLS stadium.
Toronto fans: Let this photo be your guide.