Thank you Guardian, you’ve said it better than I ever could:
Everyone has one: a mate who spends ages in front of the mirror before heading out on Friday evening, dousing himself in deodorant and preening like a wannabe Casanova despite the fact that it’s obvious to all that he’s not going to pull. He’ll return home later that night, alone as always, and, ahem, get a grip of himself. His whole sorry routine is an unwitting tribute to Liverpool in the Premier League.
But this time it will be different! It really will!
Dave, the ball is in your court.